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Posts Tagged ‘Can’t’

You know, when I first completed this site, I considered this a milestone in my life. After years of writing about The Viable Alternative, I finally was able to compile it all into one neat little site. I beamed with pride at what I considered an intellectual masterpiece of all the insights that helped me on my path of personal development.Well, after my “crowing achievement”, when I realized all was “done”, I excitedly email several trusted friends of mine who’ve been what I’ve considered confidants on my path of self-discovery and tell them to check out my site.One of my friends, who has been a trusted mentor of mine, gave me what my ego considered to be some damning feedback about my site. Now, I always welcome constructive criticism from trusted and well meaning people, because it helps me to grow and work on my blindspots. However, due to fact that I am a sensitive person by nature, (a quality that I have always loathed about myself), the feedback was quite stinging.The feedback given to me was that I still came off as very guarded in my writing, which, she said, is a reflection of how I am in real life. Furthermore, I was told that my writing had too much head and not enough heart.What?…..Wow! How could someone NOT be impressed by such an obvious intellectual masterpiece? After all the tremendous growth I’ve made in the past 2.5 years culminating in me being FINALLY ready to do a site like this, how can someone still be saying this?Well, after licking my wounds for a few days, and almost scrapping the site altogether (I said “almost”, but yes, I’m such a perfectionist..sheesh), the clouds began to part and a whole new realization about what’s to be the next phase of my life opened up. A lesson that I was only now ready to receive had become plain to me. The next phase of my life is to involve learning to let down my guard.You see, one of the main reasons I started my path of self improvement was because I felt I was too stifled. I wanted to learn how to un-stifle myself and become fully self expressed. I hated the fact that some days, I’d be this suave, charismatic person, while MOST other times, I was stilted, self-conscious and inhibited.I would read stories about people I admired, one of them being “The Rock,” a.k.a. Dwayne Johnson, professional wrestler and actor, and I would gush with admiration (and envy) when people would praise his charisma, his wittiness, and aura of power. I wanted to be that confident, charismatic guy that people loved and thought was cool. I wanted to be that guy who was always on, always had something witty to say, who exuded that “power.”To be honest however, I failed miserably at achieving this “goal”, and the more I tried to be that “guy”, the more frustrated and inhibited I became. For YEARS I banged my head against the wall getting absolutely nowhere. In fact, I reflect in embarrassment on how annoying I must’ve been to others. Can you imagine what it’s like to be around someone who’s “trying” to be cool and confident in order to be liked? It’s weird when others do it and I must’ve looked quite weird myself. There’s a sense that something is off, and my friend, something was definitely off with me.Well, the reason why I failed so miserably was because I was missing a piece of the puzzle. That piece was a willingness to let down my guard.For as long as I can remember right from infancy, I had a deep emotional wound that left me with a feeling of always being weak and vulnerable. This caused me to be very sensitive as a child. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. From some of the deep soul searching I’ve done over the years, I really think it might’ve come from the fact that at one point in my life at a very, very young age, I felt as if I were abandoned by my mother. That wound was further exacerbated by the emotional wounds inflicted by people in and out of my family while I was growing up.With me seeing the world as a hostile, unfriendly place in which I felt too weak to defend myself against to the very core of my being, I learned to build a wall around me that would hide my pain from me and from others. This would be where I stopped living from the TRUE core of who I was, and constructed a false self known as my “ego”.So with this type of past, here I am YEARS later, saying that I want to be free, spontaneous and fully self-expressed but failing miserably.The problem was that this whole “altruistic” goal of mine was all b.s.I was coming from my ego, where I wanted to look cool so I could be loved and admired by everyone. I really didn’t give a rat’s ass about expressing myself from my core, which is what TRUE self expression is. Hence the conflict I had: on one end, I was desperately attached to projecting a certain persona to the public while on the other end I was cursing my life as to why I wasn’t able to freely express myself and be spontaneous.By identifying with my ego and its goals, I was able to stay hidden behind the wall I built up to hide my pain. And if I insisted on hiding my pain, there was absolutely NO way I could ever hope to ever be “free”. Imagine watching a fight where someone gets badly injured and is trying to protect his wound. Chances are you’re going to witness this guy receive a good pummeling by his opponent. He’s not free to “express” his fighting skills because he’s trying to protect something.Ironically, I was that guy, the guy who was being pummeled by life because I couldn’t, or wouldn’t let my guard down. Imagine wanting to be free, but somehow “something” seems to be holding you back. Take it from me, it sucks, and I would know because I lived that way for most of my life.I wanted to be free but I didn’t want to pay the price.The price I now realize would be me manning up, letting go of my ego so my core self can shine through. That would mean giving up “control” of how I wanted to look and giving that power over to my core self.It would mean letting my guard down and being… vulnerable.By the way, when I say, “vulnerable”, I don’t mean I become a person who falls down on his back crying anytime someone does or says something to me I don’t like. Rather, I mean being a person who’s willing to express and SHARE who I am with the world, warts and all, without fear of who will or will not accept me.At this new crossroads in my life, I realize my overwhelming desire that I nursed deep down for years to lose my “inhibitions” would NEVER ever be achieved if I was attached to looking a certain way to the people. That’s not being free, but somehow, I was able to lie to myself all these years that I was indeed striving for freedom. Somebody shoot me….just kidding.My ego had absolutely NO interest in letting my core self shine through unless it expressed an image that was pleasing to my ego. It was terrified of giving up “control” because it was afraid of what may come up. Hence the reason for the existence of the robotic, emotionless, frustrated individual that many people knew to be me, living totally inauthetically in that he said he wanted one thing (freedom of self expression) but was actively pursing the opposite goal (expressing a false self engineered by the ego in order to look good and protect himself). Sad, but true.I now accept the fact that by letting my core shine through, everything expressed by my core may not be in line with the image my ego wants me to present to the world. Everything expressed by my CORE self may not be so “peachy”. My “warts” are certain to come up as well. However it’s these “warts”, these odd quirks that we all have that actually set us apart from each otherNow, don’t get me wrong, like I said earlier, the last 2.5 years was probably the period of some of the greatest growth I had ever experienced in my life. A lot of this growth had enabled me to connect more to my true self and become less inhibited. The feedback I had received was my friend pointing out a blindspot that I hadn’t been able to see in order to aid me in my growth and self-discovery process. Had I been given this feedback let’s say three years ago, it would’ve sounded like some extinct Biblical language. In fact, it was like a extinct language to me, because people had told me before that I was guarded, but frankly, either I didn’t care, or I didn’t know really how to take it or what to do about it.Hey, like I said in my about me page, I am in no way some type of guru. I am a work in progress and will be so until the day I die. I am here to share my insights that I’ve learned in my life to help you along.I’ve written this to extend my hand to you, in the way someone who was drowning in quicksand has figured how to climb out, and wants to take others in the same predicament with him as he climbs to safety. I’ve learned the past year that fulfillment, the number one thing we all seek in life, is gained by giving value to others. How I personally gain fulfillment is by inspiring others, and giving others insight from what I’ve been through.There’s no way I could really effectively do that unless I learn to let my guard down so my own core self can shine through.If you’re painfully self-conscious to the point where you’re afraid of making any move because you’re afraid of looking bad, I feel your pain. It feels so constricting, so stifling. It feels as if you’re in your own prison looking out at a world that seems to be freely living life. What’s worse is when you try to solve this but can’t seem to get anywhere year after frustrating year. It feels as if your life is passing you by.I invite you to welcome the possibility that you really have no idea what freedom really is…..News Flash: I didn’t. The “freedom” you desire has strings attached, but that’s not really freedom, is it?First off, let’s call a spade a spade. There’s no use living under false pretenses any longer. Your REAL goal is to hide behind a wall and have the world see you a certain way. That’s why you haven’t been able to make any “progress”. You think you want one thing but have been going after something else.Think about comedians. I’ve read that some comedians tend to be some of the saddest people on this planet, though they make people laugh for a living. I’m not saying all comedians are like this, but those who are, they use humour as a wall to hide behind their pain that most likely originated from childhood. Comedy is a way they escape from their pain and also gain acceptance from others.They may be able to make people laugh and gain people’s acceptance, but are they really free? Are they REALLY expressing themselves?Hey, I have my own wall I hide behind, and will continue to do so until I fully evolve to the next level where I’m fully able to let my guard down.The difference between me and you is that I have now realized The Illusion that I’ve been living and choose not to live this way anymore. I’m sharing my insight here with you to give you a chance to make the same choice.Now, if you’ve seen the light and have made the decision that you don’t want TRUE freedom and rather continue hiding behind a wall constructed by your ego where you’re seeking to appear a certain way to the world, I wish you all the best. At least now, you’re honest about what you want and are no longer lying to yourself.If on the other hand you’re tired of living all the b.s., and want to be truly free, you must first acknowledge that there is a SELF within you that you had no idea about that is far, FAR greater than any image that your ego tried to project to the world.It is a self so complex, so vast, yet so beautiful that it scares the hell out of your ego because your ego can’t truly grasp it, so it tries to bottle it up and put it in a corner to use for its own selfish devices.Unstifling our selves involves giving up the idea of “control” and surrendering to a greater self that can never be controlled. It involves getting out of our way and letting ourselves BE. Now, what may now come forth may not always be “pretty” the way we may want. It may not always be wrapped up in a nice neat little bow. Some “dark stuff” may emerge from time to time. However, because it will be coming from our CORE, and not from our ego, that in and of itself is BEAUTIFUL as well.Our true, core self within each of us does not give a damn about how the world perceives it. It has no need to “hide” because it’s already aware that it was “fearfully and wonderfully made.” It’s not concerned with the past or future because it lives in now, and is thus able to flow from moment to moment.Before I go, I’ll let you in on one more thing: by letting our core selves shine through, we will exude charisma EFFORTLESSLY.Now, doesn’t that sound like TRUE freedom to you? Well, it does to me.Giving up control is the price you and I have to pay for freedom, but I’m prepared, because as I heard a “retired” millionaire once say, “freedom ain’t free.”This is The Viable Alternative.Hope this helps.IKE LOVE

This article is for those that absolutely can’t afford to be without their husband, wife or other half.  Did you know that every moment that you wait…makes it harder and harder to get them back because time is the soil in which their indifference towards you grows….and it is INDIFFERENCE and NOT HATE…that is YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY right now, so please read on and click on the link I have placed at the end of this article to regain control of your love and life.

are you in pain and confused?

Here’s some good news…

Did you know that most relationships CAN be salvaged? You may find it difficult to believe that almost every break up for whatever reason…infidelity, plain old lost passion, loss of interest, a stolen heart and worse…even the worst situations you can imagine…like men serving prison sentences have salvaged their relationships. Yes, even Ex-cons have got back together with girlfriends and wives after being away for years!

There is hope…

Now I can almost see you shaking your head in disbelief…

And it’s okay…let me ask?

Don’t you know couples that have gotten back together? A girl that has taken a guy back?…or vice versa?

I bet you do…and here’s the strange real clincher…

Do you remember why they broke up in the first place? I bet you know at least one guy or gal that took their lover back after an affair…or unfaithfulness…or worse even?

Think about it for a sec…

Sure! And I bet you know of…or have heard of at least one girl that has taken a guy back that REALLY should not have…you know the ones I am talking about…(and I know this is kind of dark)… the girls or guys that are in verbally or physically abusive relationships.

Now, that is some really dark stuff and I am not recommending to anyone to take someone back if the relationship was abusive…I am using it as a point that almost NO SITUATION is unsalvageable…

“Couples reunite every day REGARDLESS of the situation!”

Seriously, Doesn’t that make sense? That if most of us can think of couples that have gotten back together…under even some horrible circumstances…that there could be some hidden recipe, or secret even, to reigniting passion and recapturing lost love?

Now…I am not saying they were holding some “secret love spell” book and doing weird chants…not at all…at the same time somehow, by MOSTLY accident they said and did the RIGHT THINGS at the RIGHT TIME…and won back the heart of their lover…or at least created the circumstances where their ex gave them a second chance.

Allow me to repeat…they did this by mostly ACCIDENT!

Imagine…

What if? What they said…and what they did…could be “bottled” so to speak? And then you could “unbottle” it and put it to use? To erase old hurts…to reignite passion again…to turn back to a time when your relationship was fresh, new and exciting.

Yes…A Magic Love Recipe…in a sense…

You see there IS a “recipe for love” as well as a recipe for winning back and keeping some ones interest, desire, passion, heart and love…

What they did by “accident” can be repeated over and over on PURPOSE!

And you know what?

If I were you…I would be somewhat skeptical right now…that’s totally fine! I am going to show you some concrete proof. Just bear with me okay?

Do you have these symptoms?

-Leaving the radio off because every song makes you cry

-Loss of appetite

-Binge eating for comfort

-Calling your ex several times a day

-Text messaging and emailing constantly (Text Message Terrorism)

-Constantly checking your email and voice mail to see if he/she called

-Not going out because you are afraid to miss a call

-Thinking non-stop about why they REALLY left you

-Feeling massively depressed

-Feeling urges to spy on them

-Endlessly rehearsing what you should have said

-Endlessly rehearsing what you will say if you bump into them

…and when you do get a hold of them, it usually turns ugly because without a clear plan of what you are supposed to do…what happens? P-A-N-I-C…defensiveness…arguments…and then it gets really nasty.

Do you make these mistakes with your ex?

-We try to convince them we are the love of their life

-We will apologize profusely for everything

-Promise to change for good this time

-Try to get them to see that it wasn’t really our fault

-Even beg with them to take us back

…and of course with every word we utter, regardless of our intention, the more and more defensive, angry and distant they become.

Please know…this is not your fault! You weren’t taught this in school. You probably weren’t taught this by your parents…and there is no “get your ex back” night school…

Yeah?

And it is really a shame too because what could be more important than love? ..Cars?…Money?…Clothes?…ALGEBRA?

So why? Are there all kinds of books, magazines and help on fixing a car, managing money and all the latest fashions, yet very little USEFUL information on how to fix a broken relationship…manage your emotions or getting the love of your life back?

Crazy huh?

And now as you will soon see…all that has changed.

“T Dub” Discovers His “Love Recipe”

Please allow me to introduce myself…My name is T.W. Jackson, I know kinda weird…it’s a long story…you can just call me “T Dub”…I want to say right off the bat, that I am not a psychologist, Doctor or some relationship guru…In fact I royally piss off the academic types and I’ll tell you why in a second…

I have been a military brat…or in the military for a majority of my life. In fact I joined the US Navy when I was a ripe old 17 years of age. Because of my life long military experience I’ve had dozens of homes…in 11 countries… and lived long term in 5 states in the U.S.

And because I have lived in so many places and changed schools so often as a kid…I had to learn…and learn REALLY FAST…how to get along with people. And people from ALL WALKS OF LIFE. I can sit down and have some sake with my friend in Tokyo…or pop open a can of suds and fish Lake Dardanelle with an Arkansas “redneck” buddy of mine…makes no difference…

More importantly…I became really good at reading people, understanding what makes them “tick” and even got to a point where I could influence their behavior and actions.

In fact, I got quite good at doing this, so good in fact that I was the “go to” guy whenever my friends had just about any kind of “people problem”…I kind of felt like the male version of “Dear Abby”…

Maybe you even know someone a little like me?…someone that you go to when you have “people problems”…

Anyway…I got a ton of practice keeping relationships together…and putting them back together after they had come apart…because the divorce rate for military couples is MUCH HIGHER than average.

WARNING: Unconventional Methods!

At this point, I must WARN YOU…STRONGLY WARN YOU…my advice and methods are VERY unconventional. I get relationship counselors and the like REALLY ANGRY because they are charging $50 to $100 an hour (sometimes for months and even years) and I can whisper just one of my methods in my friends ear…he DOES IT… And next thing you know… he’s back home, laying back on the couch and watching LOST with his fiance on Thursday nights.

Now you are free to make up your own mind about me. I just don’t believe that any amount of sitting in a classroom can make up for the REAL WORLD experience that I have under my belt…

I mean, what’s a more valuable experience?…Listening to a lecture on libido? Or BEING THERE when my buddy’s girlfriend is chucking his clothes and skivys out the bedroom window because she thinks he was with some tart the night before?

I don’t know about you, my money is on the guy with the real world experience any day.

Now, if you are hanging out with me here today, I am guessing you have  “relationship troubles” too? If you do…I think I can help…

Here’s how I can help you…

If you have broken up and want to get your guy or gal back, obviously I can’t talk too or be with everyone, I just don’t have enough time…but I have done what I believe to be the next best thing…

I have put my years of experience…into a really easy to follow… love recipe for “getting back together”…and again I forewarn you right now…these are techniques and strategies that are NOT conventional wisdom…and I doubt you have ever read or heard these techniques before.

…and I’ll tell you…

this stuff works!…maybe too well?

Frankly, I get a little freaked out about just how well it works…and worry that it may be used for less than honorable intentions. I mean I want to help GOOD people…I don’t want to help JERKS get girls back that would be better off without them. I do NOT want to help “psycho chick” steal away a married man.

Like a knife, these techniques and principles can be used for great good or grave harm.

This is NOT FOR

-Stalkers

-Ex Convicts

-People with severe mental problems

-Other Crazies, Cuckoos or Whack Jobs

Okay?

Anyway, I have titled the “recipe” simply The Magic Of Making Up…See, it is my opinion that there are really no impossible situations. I have seen women not only wait on a man for months, but take back men that have spent years in prison…and… I have seen men take women back that have had MORE THAN ONE AFFAIR…

And everything else in between! How crazy is that?

And…

You know what?

By now, I bet you really want to see some proof that this works? I would too if I were you.

Here’s PROOF This Works

The best way I know to prove to you that these techniques really work is by giving you some free samples and by showing you testimonials from guys and gals that have already used these techniques successfully.

Now, I also figured that instead of giving you some useless sample…Why not?…make it something you could really use RIGHT NOW? Something that would really be helpful. So here is a little video of me explaining the very first steps you should take immediately after a break up: (This is what Al SHOULD HAVE done.)    just Follow On At:  http://www.MarriageSavingAdvice.com