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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Love is complex. I don’t know anyone who can claim otherwise. However, I do know that there is one thing that chronically keeps people from finding love online. It is the lack of courage that people display when dating online. It has repeatedly led to disappointment, frustration and unfulfilled desires. You might be wondering what courage has to do with finding love online. Courage is for more than Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion, even if you don’t live in the land of OZ.
Courage is an essential element for you to make tough decisions. Forging a relationship that has some meaning and substance requires effort and engagement that is filled with tough choices. Here are my top 5 areas where an extra dose of courage is beneficial.
1. Getting into the game – How many people do you know who are single and lonely yet they refuse to try online dating? I have run across a few. Sometimes they rationalize “I heard about that one time when so and so met that weird guy. There’s no way that I’m trying online dating.” It is counter-intuitive thinking, given that thousands of people regularly establish meaningful relationships using online dating sites. You have to have courage to overcome your fears to walk into the new and unfamiliar.
2. Staying committed to your desired criteria – If you are wise, you have already decided what are your non-negotiable items when looking for a mate. Many people haven’t decided what is their walk away point yet they plunge in head-first none-the-less. If you have determined your non-negotiables, great. But this is the just the beginning. You have to stay committed to what you said was important. Don’t be blinded by your feelings. When people fail to have the courage to stick to their non-negotiables, their conversations are usually littered with the following expressions, “But I feel when I am with him, He makes me feel, I feel, I feel, I feel.” You forget about what you said and are led by what you feel, only to realize three years later that you should have listened to you what you said originally.
3. Keeping your clothes on – I could park on this point for the rest of this article but I won’t. The only thing that I will say here is that sex is one of the most powerful forms of expression that God gave us. If it is not used correctly, you might end up making unwise decisions only to realize it months later, once the ‘afterglow’ wears off. Besides, who wants to experience the ‘walk of shame’ two weeks into meeting their new guy? You know the ‘walk of shame.’ It’s when you bump into your neighbors returning home at 7 a.m. wearing the same clothes that you had on when you bumped into them the night before when you mentioned that you were going out. Keep your clothes on. You’ll make better choices. If it is really that good, it will be just as good when the time is right.
4. Tossing him back – So you met a nice woman online and there is something about her that has got your nose wide open. Unfortunately, she has violated one of your non-negotiables and has been virtually criminally negligent on two others. But you say, “I finally have someone to spend the weekend with!” I know. But you know that she is not right. You have to have courage to toss people back and face a period of being by yourself so that you can be available and ready for the right lady.
5. Getting back out there after disappointments – The cold truth is that a lot of interactions won’t lead to anything. There’s no way around it. Don’t get bummed about it. You have to have the courage to get over it and get back out there. It is the only way that you will find the person that you desire.
Courage. It is part of any plan for a successful journey. It worked for Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion, and it will work for you too.

Blogging about your ex will not bring them back, but this secret will for all the loneley people looking for love

I have a confession to make. I am lonely. Painfully so. I didn’t realize this until today, but thankfully, I had University of Calgary academic degreel Keren decided inform me of this through an article on Canoe about his new book, “Blogosphere: The New Political Arena.” I admit that I did not like the feature the book, but if the article accurately depicts its thesis, then it is painfully stupid.

While it’s true that many blogs are cursive about personal topics, Keren’s description of the blogosphere seems to equate every bloggers as a homogeneous mass. The set of blogs that he follows and chronicles for the purposes of his mass consumption seem to be what we would refer to as “cat blogs” as in someone that blogs the minutia of their lives, including what their cat did today. To then apply this type of blogger to the rest of the blogosphere is not only ridiculous, it’s academically irresponsible. His description of these particular bloggers as depressing and lonely will all be correct, but his extraneous filler can sure not be extrapolated onto the blogosphere (which, remember, is the title of the book) as a whole.

Beyond being reductive, this analysis ignores the core reality of the blogosphere as a major social change. Individually, bloggers do not matter, this such is true. The actual social change comes from the realization of the tools of distribution, once only held by a few. Together, bloggers represent the potential for a major force of change. To equate this force to a some bloggers who live in the woods and talk about their departed cat is the same someone in the fifteenth century saying that the publication press is by a bunch of weird monks making bibles.

I’m not naive to believe that every blogger is making a social change – they’re not, and frankly, there is a lot of crap out there. The great thing about the scheme is that not everything has to be good, but the crap can easily be filtered out. Another, better articles touches on the veracity of blogs: Although the medium offers seemingly unlimited freedom of expression, Keren said bloggers too ofttimes appearance public instrument by reporting distorted versions of the facts.

Keren does hit a valid point, however, about not believing everything you read. The thing about the blogosphere is that it has an superior bullshit detector. If I were to indite something blatantly false, someone (probably Joe) would call me out, either in comments or in added blog. The more important I am, the larger this effect. Again, individually, the credibility of blogs is suspect, but in the aggregate, most errors will likely be found out and titled out. Furthermore, the natural partiality of an unedited personal instrument is evident, and it should come as a surprise to no digit that nothing suggestive in any blog should be considered above suspicion. To me, what is far more harmful is the facade that anything in the mainstream media is true and unbiased. Anyone employed in the media knows that this is ofttimes far from the truth, but sadly, many study the print and television news as the unbiased truth. The reality is that there are good bloggers and intense bloggers, PR bloggers, cat bloggers, semipolitical bloggers and a full lot more. Some are self-interested, some are as unbiased as any newspaper. Some, I’m sure, are lonely and some advance rich lives and are among the most important and intelligent grouping in the country. However, as long as we’re toting out stereotypes of lonely, ineffectual individuals with no relevance right their small and insulated peer group, I can think of a some about academics.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention about that secret to get back with your ex, check this out.