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Posts Tagged ‘Reason’

You know, when I first completed this site, I considered this a milestone in my life. After years of writing about The Viable Alternative, I finally was able to compile it all into one neat little site. I beamed with pride at what I considered an intellectual masterpiece of all the insights that helped me on my path of personal development.Well, after my “crowing achievement”, when I realized all was “done”, I excitedly email several trusted friends of mine who’ve been what I’ve considered confidants on my path of self-discovery and tell them to check out my site.One of my friends, who has been a trusted mentor of mine, gave me what my ego considered to be some damning feedback about my site. Now, I always welcome constructive criticism from trusted and well meaning people, because it helps me to grow and work on my blindspots. However, due to fact that I am a sensitive person by nature, (a quality that I have always loathed about myself), the feedback was quite stinging.The feedback given to me was that I still came off as very guarded in my writing, which, she said, is a reflection of how I am in real life. Furthermore, I was told that my writing had too much head and not enough heart.What?…..Wow! How could someone NOT be impressed by such an obvious intellectual masterpiece? After all the tremendous growth I’ve made in the past 2.5 years culminating in me being FINALLY ready to do a site like this, how can someone still be saying this?Well, after licking my wounds for a few days, and almost scrapping the site altogether (I said “almost”, but yes, I’m such a perfectionist..sheesh), the clouds began to part and a whole new realization about what’s to be the next phase of my life opened up. A lesson that I was only now ready to receive had become plain to me. The next phase of my life is to involve learning to let down my guard.You see, one of the main reasons I started my path of self improvement was because I felt I was too stifled. I wanted to learn how to un-stifle myself and become fully self expressed. I hated the fact that some days, I’d be this suave, charismatic person, while MOST other times, I was stilted, self-conscious and inhibited.I would read stories about people I admired, one of them being “The Rock,” a.k.a. Dwayne Johnson, professional wrestler and actor, and I would gush with admiration (and envy) when people would praise his charisma, his wittiness, and aura of power. I wanted to be that confident, charismatic guy that people loved and thought was cool. I wanted to be that guy who was always on, always had something witty to say, who exuded that “power.”To be honest however, I failed miserably at achieving this “goal”, and the more I tried to be that “guy”, the more frustrated and inhibited I became. For YEARS I banged my head against the wall getting absolutely nowhere. In fact, I reflect in embarrassment on how annoying I must’ve been to others. Can you imagine what it’s like to be around someone who’s “trying” to be cool and confident in order to be liked? It’s weird when others do it and I must’ve looked quite weird myself. There’s a sense that something is off, and my friend, something was definitely off with me.Well, the reason why I failed so miserably was because I was missing a piece of the puzzle. That piece was a willingness to let down my guard.For as long as I can remember right from infancy, I had a deep emotional wound that left me with a feeling of always being weak and vulnerable. This caused me to be very sensitive as a child. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. From some of the deep soul searching I’ve done over the years, I really think it might’ve come from the fact that at one point in my life at a very, very young age, I felt as if I were abandoned by my mother. That wound was further exacerbated by the emotional wounds inflicted by people in and out of my family while I was growing up.With me seeing the world as a hostile, unfriendly place in which I felt too weak to defend myself against to the very core of my being, I learned to build a wall around me that would hide my pain from me and from others. This would be where I stopped living from the TRUE core of who I was, and constructed a false self known as my “ego”.So with this type of past, here I am YEARS later, saying that I want to be free, spontaneous and fully self-expressed but failing miserably.The problem was that this whole “altruistic” goal of mine was all b.s.I was coming from my ego, where I wanted to look cool so I could be loved and admired by everyone. I really didn’t give a rat’s ass about expressing myself from my core, which is what TRUE self expression is. Hence the conflict I had: on one end, I was desperately attached to projecting a certain persona to the public while on the other end I was cursing my life as to why I wasn’t able to freely express myself and be spontaneous.By identifying with my ego and its goals, I was able to stay hidden behind the wall I built up to hide my pain. And if I insisted on hiding my pain, there was absolutely NO way I could ever hope to ever be “free”. Imagine watching a fight where someone gets badly injured and is trying to protect his wound. Chances are you’re going to witness this guy receive a good pummeling by his opponent. He’s not free to “express” his fighting skills because he’s trying to protect something.Ironically, I was that guy, the guy who was being pummeled by life because I couldn’t, or wouldn’t let my guard down. Imagine wanting to be free, but somehow “something” seems to be holding you back. Take it from me, it sucks, and I would know because I lived that way for most of my life.I wanted to be free but I didn’t want to pay the price.The price I now realize would be me manning up, letting go of my ego so my core self can shine through. That would mean giving up “control” of how I wanted to look and giving that power over to my core self.It would mean letting my guard down and being… vulnerable.By the way, when I say, “vulnerable”, I don’t mean I become a person who falls down on his back crying anytime someone does or says something to me I don’t like. Rather, I mean being a person who’s willing to express and SHARE who I am with the world, warts and all, without fear of who will or will not accept me.At this new crossroads in my life, I realize my overwhelming desire that I nursed deep down for years to lose my “inhibitions” would NEVER ever be achieved if I was attached to looking a certain way to the people. That’s not being free, but somehow, I was able to lie to myself all these years that I was indeed striving for freedom. Somebody shoot me….just kidding.My ego had absolutely NO interest in letting my core self shine through unless it expressed an image that was pleasing to my ego. It was terrified of giving up “control” because it was afraid of what may come up. Hence the reason for the existence of the robotic, emotionless, frustrated individual that many people knew to be me, living totally inauthetically in that he said he wanted one thing (freedom of self expression) but was actively pursing the opposite goal (expressing a false self engineered by the ego in order to look good and protect himself). Sad, but true.I now accept the fact that by letting my core shine through, everything expressed by my core may not be in line with the image my ego wants me to present to the world. Everything expressed by my CORE self may not be so “peachy”. My “warts” are certain to come up as well. However it’s these “warts”, these odd quirks that we all have that actually set us apart from each otherNow, don’t get me wrong, like I said earlier, the last 2.5 years was probably the period of some of the greatest growth I had ever experienced in my life. A lot of this growth had enabled me to connect more to my true self and become less inhibited. The feedback I had received was my friend pointing out a blindspot that I hadn’t been able to see in order to aid me in my growth and self-discovery process. Had I been given this feedback let’s say three years ago, it would’ve sounded like some extinct Biblical language. In fact, it was like a extinct language to me, because people had told me before that I was guarded, but frankly, either I didn’t care, or I didn’t know really how to take it or what to do about it.Hey, like I said in my about me page, I am in no way some type of guru. I am a work in progress and will be so until the day I die. I am here to share my insights that I’ve learned in my life to help you along.I’ve written this to extend my hand to you, in the way someone who was drowning in quicksand has figured how to climb out, and wants to take others in the same predicament with him as he climbs to safety. I’ve learned the past year that fulfillment, the number one thing we all seek in life, is gained by giving value to others. How I personally gain fulfillment is by inspiring others, and giving others insight from what I’ve been through.There’s no way I could really effectively do that unless I learn to let my guard down so my own core self can shine through.If you’re painfully self-conscious to the point where you’re afraid of making any move because you’re afraid of looking bad, I feel your pain. It feels so constricting, so stifling. It feels as if you’re in your own prison looking out at a world that seems to be freely living life. What’s worse is when you try to solve this but can’t seem to get anywhere year after frustrating year. It feels as if your life is passing you by.I invite you to welcome the possibility that you really have no idea what freedom really is…..News Flash: I didn’t. The “freedom” you desire has strings attached, but that’s not really freedom, is it?First off, let’s call a spade a spade. There’s no use living under false pretenses any longer. Your REAL goal is to hide behind a wall and have the world see you a certain way. That’s why you haven’t been able to make any “progress”. You think you want one thing but have been going after something else.Think about comedians. I’ve read that some comedians tend to be some of the saddest people on this planet, though they make people laugh for a living. I’m not saying all comedians are like this, but those who are, they use humour as a wall to hide behind their pain that most likely originated from childhood. Comedy is a way they escape from their pain and also gain acceptance from others.They may be able to make people laugh and gain people’s acceptance, but are they really free? Are they REALLY expressing themselves?Hey, I have my own wall I hide behind, and will continue to do so until I fully evolve to the next level where I’m fully able to let my guard down.The difference between me and you is that I have now realized The Illusion that I’ve been living and choose not to live this way anymore. I’m sharing my insight here with you to give you a chance to make the same choice.Now, if you’ve seen the light and have made the decision that you don’t want TRUE freedom and rather continue hiding behind a wall constructed by your ego where you’re seeking to appear a certain way to the world, I wish you all the best. At least now, you’re honest about what you want and are no longer lying to yourself.If on the other hand you’re tired of living all the b.s., and want to be truly free, you must first acknowledge that there is a SELF within you that you had no idea about that is far, FAR greater than any image that your ego tried to project to the world.It is a self so complex, so vast, yet so beautiful that it scares the hell out of your ego because your ego can’t truly grasp it, so it tries to bottle it up and put it in a corner to use for its own selfish devices.Unstifling our selves involves giving up the idea of “control” and surrendering to a greater self that can never be controlled. It involves getting out of our way and letting ourselves BE. Now, what may now come forth may not always be “pretty” the way we may want. It may not always be wrapped up in a nice neat little bow. Some “dark stuff” may emerge from time to time. However, because it will be coming from our CORE, and not from our ego, that in and of itself is BEAUTIFUL as well.Our true, core self within each of us does not give a damn about how the world perceives it. It has no need to “hide” because it’s already aware that it was “fearfully and wonderfully made.” It’s not concerned with the past or future because it lives in now, and is thus able to flow from moment to moment.Before I go, I’ll let you in on one more thing: by letting our core selves shine through, we will exude charisma EFFORTLESSLY.Now, doesn’t that sound like TRUE freedom to you? Well, it does to me.Giving up control is the price you and I have to pay for freedom, but I’m prepared, because as I heard a “retired” millionaire once say, “freedom ain’t free.”This is The Viable Alternative.Hope this helps.IKE LOVE

Love is complex. I don’t know anyone who can claim otherwise. However, I do know that there is one thing that chronically keeps people from finding love online. It is the lack of courage that people display when dating online. It has repeatedly led to disappointment, frustration and unfulfilled desires. You might be wondering what courage has to do with finding love online. Courage is for more than Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion, even if you don’t live in the land of OZ.
Courage is an essential element for you to make tough decisions. Forging a relationship that has some meaning and substance requires effort and engagement that is filled with tough choices. Here are my top 5 areas where an extra dose of courage is beneficial.
1. Getting into the game – How many people do you know who are single and lonely yet they refuse to try online dating? I have run across a few. Sometimes they rationalize “I heard about that one time when so and so met that weird guy. There’s no way that I’m trying online dating.” It is counter-intuitive thinking, given that thousands of people regularly establish meaningful relationships using online dating sites. You have to have courage to overcome your fears to walk into the new and unfamiliar.
2. Staying committed to your desired criteria – If you are wise, you have already decided what are your non-negotiable items when looking for a mate. Many people haven’t decided what is their walk away point yet they plunge in head-first none-the-less. If you have determined your non-negotiables, great. But this is the just the beginning. You have to stay committed to what you said was important. Don’t be blinded by your feelings. When people fail to have the courage to stick to their non-negotiables, their conversations are usually littered with the following expressions, “But I feel when I am with him, He makes me feel, I feel, I feel, I feel.” You forget about what you said and are led by what you feel, only to realize three years later that you should have listened to you what you said originally.
3. Keeping your clothes on – I could park on this point for the rest of this article but I won’t. The only thing that I will say here is that sex is one of the most powerful forms of expression that God gave us. If it is not used correctly, you might end up making unwise decisions only to realize it months later, once the ‘afterglow’ wears off. Besides, who wants to experience the ‘walk of shame’ two weeks into meeting their new guy? You know the ‘walk of shame.’ It’s when you bump into your neighbors returning home at 7 a.m. wearing the same clothes that you had on when you bumped into them the night before when you mentioned that you were going out. Keep your clothes on. You’ll make better choices. If it is really that good, it will be just as good when the time is right.
4. Tossing him back – So you met a nice woman online and there is something about her that has got your nose wide open. Unfortunately, she has violated one of your non-negotiables and has been virtually criminally negligent on two others. But you say, “I finally have someone to spend the weekend with!” I know. But you know that she is not right. You have to have courage to toss people back and face a period of being by yourself so that you can be available and ready for the right lady.
5. Getting back out there after disappointments – The cold truth is that a lot of interactions won’t lead to anything. There’s no way around it. Don’t get bummed about it. You have to have the courage to get over it and get back out there. It is the only way that you will find the person that you desire.
Courage. It is part of any plan for a successful journey. It worked for Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion, and it will work for you too.

Social phobia disorder is commonly know as a physiological disorder that prevents individuals from being part of society. They tent to lock them  selves away  rather then have to face the possibility of having an anxiety attack. Now believe it or not this is very common illness, Very depressing for most people who live there lives this way. I would like togo over firstly some or the typical fears some one with this conditions has to face on a regular bases.Do you suffer from social phobia disorder?Well it is the start of a new week, off to work as usual. Morning tea arrives and a couple of the senior staff members are planing a night out, instantly you try to exit the room before you get invited, as you do not want to have to lie to them why you can not attend. Oh no, you just did not make that exit fast enough.Symptoms of anxiety attack just from an invite out, this is  why we call it social phobia  disorder!

All those symptoms above are hard enough to contend with, but then you have to also deal with the lies your about to make, or the wild story that you have not already used, to why you will not be able to join them. Guilt then can be added to the list above as well. Just the thought of attending a social function brings on anxious thought, and negative thinking about all the what ifs.Social phobia disorder creates so many uncontrollable thought!

The brain is the most incredible organ in our body. when you have full control over your thought pattern, you can turn any amount of fear into a mild panic situation, but for those who do not know how to deal with fear, they loose control the minute anxious thoughts begins. Briefly to explain the way the brain works when we are in a terrifying situation.Brain function is this the  real cause of social phobia disorder?The brain has many sections just for this exercises we will relate to the middle section, and the front section. What happens is this, we are designed to react to fear with a certain amount of adrenalin, this is to prepare our bodies ,and to give us the power to identifier danger and react appropriately. Fight or flight this is called, very natural.Social phobia disorder can be controlled you just have to though how to!For most people they get scared, the brain function work like this, waves get sent to the middle section alerting us of fear, then the waves usually return back to the front section for normal function with in seconds. Usually no big deal for the average person. Now some one that can not control fear can not get the brain waves to return back to the front section, so they stay on continuous panic mode.Social phobia disorder can be minutes away, you just have to learn how!So where is all this going you ask? curing panic attacks for a victim of social phobia disorder is as easy as training our brain waves to flick back and forward from front to back, very easy if you know how.